I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
