It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
