you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
