Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
