he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
