I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
why is half of my head shaved?
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