You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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