I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
