So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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