I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
