You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
