I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
