I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
