the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
