Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
