she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
