he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
