What a fucking waste of an outfit
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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