Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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