Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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