Jerry, you need to find god
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
