I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
