I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
