the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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