apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Sober January is a disaster.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
