i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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