Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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