My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
