My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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