I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
