whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
