My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
