I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
