You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
