On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
