Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
