IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
