Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
