so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
