May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
