Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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