1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
