I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
