marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
