Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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