Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
