tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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