I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
