sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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