I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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