Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
