Apparently you make a good broom.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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